The Virtues of Alone Time

As I prepared to leave Atlanta and head to grad school a few years ago my friend and fellow Souper Jenny soup slinger, Merrideth Ziesse gave me the best advice. "Live alone," she said. I thought about the excitement of being in school again, having a roommate and saving money. However I did heed her advice. I fought for a small one bedroom 2 blocks from campus and moved in a few months before classes began.

It was honestly the best decision I could have made. My days were crazy with teaching and taking classes, rehearsing and meetings. While our classes were small, there were always people around and I totally felt part of a community. However, I always had my little hideaway where I could find quiet and stillness.

Humans in general are social beings. We begin to make friends at an early age because we know it's more fun to play with others than by ourselves. We want to be a part of group and have a shared experience. We strive to have others care about us, almost as much as we support those that we love. We need compadres to bounce ideas, share laughs and vent about our day.

While I prefer going to the movies or dining with others, I don't have a problem doing either by myself. Especially if I have a spontaneous hankering and cannot find a companion to join me. There have been many times that I've encouraged friends to go out by themselves (or as Julia Cameron of the Artist's Way suggested taking yourself on an Artist's Date) and was met with an uncomfortable response. Those friends were afraid of being perceived as loners and thought it weird to go out solo. I think it's due to the confusion of the being alone vs. being lonely.

a·lone/əˈlōn/

Adjective:	Having no one else present; on one's own. Without others' help or participation; single-handed.

lone·ly/ˈlōnlē/

Adjective:

Sad because one has no friends or company. Without companions; solitary: "passing long lonely hours looking onto the street".

Being lonely has the added emotion of sadness. You can be alone and be joyous. I promise.

As we get older and find ourselves in committed relationships, there may be an imbalance with the amount of individual time vs. couple time. I find when I coach couples there is usually one of the pair that prefers to spend most of his/her free time with the partner and the other that craves time alone. It's this disconnect that begs the discussion of The Virtues of Alone Time.

So, why is time alone so important? What can it offer?

1. Space to find your personal perspective.

What are your values and desires? With information and the opinions of others flying around at break neck speeds, it's difficult to know what you believe. Don't remember? Take the space to reconnect with or discover your values.

2. Doing things that YOU love to do.

Like horror films or perhaps obscure foreign films that your partners dislikes? You can go see them solo! How about your love of BBQ when most of your friends are vegan? If you go alone, you have the final say. No one can tell you what to do or not to do. Pretty empowering, no?

3. The ability to regroup and recharge.

We live in a fast paced world. We multi-task, we have overbooked schedules and most of the time enjoy being busy. Taking alone time - in the form of reading, a scenic run or some body work - allows you to charge the batteries, de-stress and relax.

4. Feeling safe and secure in your body and mind.

Being alone can be scary, no doubt. However when we find stillness and quiet we begin to remember ourselves. The connection between our bodies and minds. The strength we have as individuals and our own personal power. Yes, my friend, you are fierce. And it's most important that knowledge is understood fully by YOU rather than expressed by a friend.

What are you perspectives on alone time? How do you spend it? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.